Category: Dating and Relationships
I was just wondering how many women out there pay dutch when in the dating scene? I do just because it makes sense for me but everyone has their own opinion about it. So give me your thoughts!
I'm really sorry, but what does "paying dutch" mean? I'm just not familiar with the term. I'm sorry if that wasn't supposed to be something that needed description. Lol.
it means the man and the woman pay equal for their meal or whatever the date includes. they split it.
O, okay. Well, for me, it depends what the occasion is, but I'm definitely all for it. The tradition that the man pays for everything came from a time when women rarely worked, and their job was to stay home, do chores, and look after any children they have, so really, most people assumed that the woman couldn't pay. Now that a lot more women work, I personally think it's only fair that she should pay half as well, unless, of course, it's a gift from the man. For example, I wouldn't pay for my birthday dinner if someone took me out, but on a date, absolutely. Of course, for me, my fiance usually insists on paying for most things. Lol.
Yeah, I've heard paying dutch meaning to split the cost of a date in half, or, for each person to pay for themselves. I have no problem with this, either. Sometimes the guy pays for both, sometimes the girl does, sometimes they pay Dutch, if you will. It all depends on each person's financial situation. But it would annoy me if my guy insisted on paying for us both all the time. I know that might sound strange, but like the above poster said, the guy paying all the time is from a different era when woman had a different standing. Most of what's now considered, "chivalrous," I find condescending. As an equal contributor, I think that means I pay sometimes, too. Smile.
I have no problems doing that. But usually, my bf pays cause I'm broke and he doesn't like to see me spend money that I don't have. lol It's not like we go out alot anyway, and I'm not into fancy crap, so I don't feel too bad. But I try to pay when we order in or when we go food shopping to make myself feel better.
From a guy's perspective, I have a real problem lettng a girl pay for her own meal when we're out together. If it happens, it's because she slips the server her plastic before I do, and that's only happened a few times. If a girl and I are out together, I pay, she enjoys herself. End of discussion.
What if she wants to pay or to treat you out? Would you refuse her that right?
Exactly. I think it's unfair to be so inflexible about it, and way to go for the girl who slips the waiter her card before you can. Sometimes, I enjoy myself more on a date if I know I'm treating my guy to it, than if he did that. It's about give and take, in my book.
Quite frankly, I think that women should pay for my meals all the time. I mean, I'm giving them sex, so the least they could do for me is feed me before I drip my sweat all over them.
I could not agree more with poster four. I have no problem with paying dutch. When I was dating a guy about two and a half years ago, sometimes he would cover the entire cost of our dates, and sometimes we'd pay dutch.
Lmao, Smoky. Hooray for sarcasm. Grin.
I agree with Alicia and post #2. I thin it's only fair to split when possible unless of course he offers to footthe bill for a special occasion. I think it's rude to expect him to always pay and I also think it's rude to always pay for both because maybe he would like to give you a gift of kindness by buying you dinner sometimes and to always refuse him is rude. It's nice to give, but it's also kind to receive. Give a little, take a little. As long as it's equal, everything should be fine. If we all worked by this system, the world would be a better place.
Well said, SunshineAndRain.
when I was in Switzerland, Peter payed for almost all of my meals out. It was just easier to allow him to do it, because there was a big row if I wouldn't allow him to do it. he argued that he invited me there and I payed for the plane ticket, so he wanted to treat me special while I was there.
I did cook for him 3 nights a week though, and did all of his cleaning and washing while I was there, so I felt a little bit better. he let me payed for a few meals, but nothing compared to what he payed for.
I will do the same when he comes here though, and use his logic, so then it's all even.
Interesting topick.
I am a bit strange about this. I don't mind paying some times or my girlfriend paying some other times but i don't like deviding the bil in two.
I like it more when we take terns paying. But just to make it clear this is only when we go out. for a meal for example house bills, rent etc it will have to be half each lol.
That is true. If I cook, clean, ETC., then it does make me feel better if I don't pay for a night out, or a meal out, whatever the case. If everything is equal, no harm done.
I can't exactly explain why, but I don't feel comfortable letting the person I'm dating pay for anything. It's just that for me, having them pay for something sort of makes me feel a little less masculine. Now, please keep in mind that I am definitely one of those guys who is extremely manly, masculine, "Hey man let's go lift some weights" kind of guy. It just that, I feel uncomfortable going dutch. Either I pay the whole thing, or I feel very uncomfortable about it. I've gotten into arguments in the past with people about this very topic, I just thought I'd put my two-sense in here.
absolutely agree with poster four
J G
As a guy i think it's best to take turns paying. I don't have a problom with a woman paying fore my meal. Just going dutch on a date can set off the mood. Also it could be taken as rejection. Did any one stop to think about it that way?
Speaking fore myself as a guy. I think it's best to take turns. Doing dutch on a date can set off the mood. Also on a date it could be taken as rejection. Did any one ever stop to think about it that way.
Sometimes even discussing whose paying can get very awkward. I got asked out on a date, discovered that it was VERY expensive, then he got irritated when I offered to help.
I think this discussion goes way beyond dating.
There are some people who just feel uncomfortable with letting others pay for things and I really don't get that.
I am a very generous person and think nothing of buying a round of drinks/a meal/coffee/whatever in whatever situation.
I think to refuse that is frankly quite insulting. Because equally I have no issue with someone buying me a drink/whatever - it goes both ways IMO.
for me it's sort of a class thing. My fiance earns a hell of a lot more than I do, considering he works at a bank and I get benifits.
so when he always takes me for dinner I feel very guilty so I try to make up for it by cooking well, doing all the cleaning and washing and taking him out on the occasions that I can afford it and paying for something really nice.
When I was with my now ex-fiance, we did it Dutch the entire time we were dating. There was the odd occasion when he'd foot the bill for a dinner, but that was maybe once per visit (and we only saw each other once a year in the summer)... I was expected to reciprocate as well, so it more or less evened back out to going Dutch
I didn't really like this... scratch that... I HATED THIS because, for the most part, I had to travel to see him (he lives on the South East Coast of the United States and I live on the West Coast of Canada) and at the time that we were together, my money was worth a little more than half of his in his country... we both lived at home, but I had to pay room and board while he lived at home for free. He also never ever offered to pay for my airfare out to see him, and even made me change my travel dates & pay the change penalty because my trip conflicted with his work schedule.
If it's just a first date or casual date, I see no problem with going Dutch, but when there's some commitment involved (we were as good as married), it's quite tacky and off putting.
I totally agree with SugarBaby in post 23. What's wrong with letting someone treat you out, so long as they let you do the same? While I feel badly sometimes that my bf is always paying for things, I don't feel truly guilty. It's still true that though neither of us are even close to well off, he does have more money than I. I would, however, love to cook him a fabulous dinner one of these nights. He used to always want to do things for me, like the dishes etc. and we still fight over that some times. I originally thought that it's because I'm blind and he thought that by him doing it it would be much quicker, but we had a deep discussion on it and I learned that that's not it at all. He just feels that since I always do it, he could treat me to a gift while he's here on the weekends. There have even been times when I made my own coffee or food or cleaned the dishes while he ate, went on the computer or laid down. So now I feel alot better about it. I think that it's important to see why a man is doing things for you. If it's because you're a woman, because you're blind or just to get sex, all of those are bad reasons in my book. But my bf isn't like that so I'm greatful.
life is nothing but give and take, in my opinion.
as per me, I'll be frank in telling that I'm having this much money while going out to my partner that is. and I'll pay until I'm having. and, I really feel shy to ask someone to pay for me. also I won't say no even if she's coming forward to pay my bills. but I'll never force.
Raaj.
I agree with Loui. I've dated guys who had far more money than me. They would pay for things when we went out, and I was grateful. I just tried to find my own ways to give back when I could. I'm grateful when my BF does things for me, I just think it's not cool to have the guy always being the one to give.
I totally agree with Tiffanitsa. it's the context that counts. If someone is treating you because they honestly want to treat you, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't come to expect it, but if it's because your a woman, blind, or whatever else it could be, I have a problem with that.
i would pay duch. when i was with my fifirst girl friend.and. i like doing that.
I think dutch is fine... its nice if everyone can contribute. But if someone wants to treat you because its a special occasion or something, that's fine too.
Part of me agrees with poster 18.
When I am in the company of a woman, I consider said company a privilege.
As such, paying for a meal, or another date venue, is something that I consider my duty.
Duty implies a chore, but it feels more like I'm giving a gift.
I am sure there are women who would feel uncomfortable with the male paying, considering it some kind of debt.
Unless you're going to a 5-star eatery at $100 per plate, though, the payer, man or woman, can probably afford said meal.
If not, then the person paying might want to step-down the dining experience.
Also, as other posters have pointed out, financial constraints can change the male-female roll drastically.
If I'm taking my fiance to dinner, I'll cover it.
In return, she handles the in-house cooking.
Just my 0.02.
I feel uncomfortable with people buying me things... I guess where I've always had to buy most of what I have... but some don't give me a choice at times. I really think it depends on the people involved, it shouldn't always just be one said sex.